Fir Crazy

Fir Crazy / 2013 / made-for-tv movie

Selling trees and changing hearts, MacReynold's style.

There often comes a time in a young made-for-tv-holiday-movie woman's life when she must turn her back on a promising career, dash her dreams and aspirations, and plummet so far down the ladder of success that she's forced into a menial, thankless job and is, of course, deeply humbled. For better or for worse, she also gets a heavy dose of 'the true meaning of Christmas' in the process. Such is the case with Fir Crazy. Elise MacReynolds (Sarah Lancaster, best known for her role as Rachel in Saved by the Bell: The New Class) despises Christmas because she grew up on a Christmas tree farm, and, like most kids, she probably hated doing chores. Although on a farm, it's not just chores, it's really a whole lifestyle isn't it? Up before sunrise and all that. It’s enough to make anyone give a big fat finger to the whole season. Another interpretation of her disdain for the holidays could be that she just really hates her parents and couldn't wait to get the fuck out of Dodge. It's unclear. Anyway, now that she's a successful career woman she can avoid all that holiday nonsense - oh wait - she gets fired. Coincidentally, her dad drops a fifty pound turkey on his foot and can't run the Christmas tree lot the family maintains in downtown Manhattan; good thing Elise has some time on her hands. But when she shows up to run the tree lot, she goes head-to-head with a scrooge-y department store owner, Gary Dickson (played with understated elegance by Colin Mochrie), who doesn't like all the Christmas cheer around his store. Since it would be too bizarre for both Gary Dickson and Elise MacReynolds to hate Christmas (even though Elise is more of a begrudging participant while Gary is staunchly anti-cheer), Elise goes through a startling transformation in a single tree-selling montage. In this bit of reckless filmmaking we see that she's struggling to understand the differences between a balsam fir and a white pine; she's shooing the homeless away; she's rubbing her sore feet (obviously still wearing heels); she's chasing away tree thieves. Luckily, by the end of the montage, we know she's one of the good ones because she's now offering pizza to the aforementioned homeless guy (Homeless Bob! He becomes a mainstay from this point on, involving himself in all of Elise’s hijinks). Too bad Elise doesn't get more likable once she allows Christmas into her heart. Overall Elise is stiff, annoying, and exudes just about zero femininity. Still, it's nice to see her do a 180 on the holiday season, but it all happens about 30 minutes into the movie. Very strange pacing. Then the film really slathers it on in an irritating scene where Elise finally buys a holiday drink (Gasp?), tells the people on a busy Manhattan street to 'Slow down. Enjoy the season," (so goddamn patronizing), and finally helps a guy open a mailbox (my head was about to explode). At this point, we're introduced to Elise's love interest, Darren, who starts skulking around the tree lot. They have some banter and set up a date or whatever, but he's really a non-factor in this film (although he does an excellent job doing some pratfalls on ice skates during their first date, which was the only big laugh the film gave me). Just as things are starting to look up for Elise, we find out that Gary Dickson is shutting her family’s tree lot down because it's a fire hazard. Colin Mochrie does a great job playing it mildly evil, but not over-the-top wicked. More like the benign wickedness we encounter everyday, like when someone's being sorta shitty to the barista in line at Starbucks. Set against this ensemble cast, the subtleties of his performance feel Oscar-worthy. Refusing to give up so easily, Elise and her crack team of tree-sellers (Homeless Bob in tow) tail Dickson when he leaves the department store and discover why Dickson's such a grinch: his wife, Noel, died on Christmas Eve. And, get this, she was an avid gardener!! Ahhh, what a satisfying payoff for his loathing of the Christmas tree lot. Dickson has a tearful and moving anecdote about how his wife's birthday was the same day as Christmas (although she never minded being overshadowed), and suddenly he's touched by the spirit of Christmas, too. Unavoidably, the all-powerful capitalist benefactor once again saves the day and Gary decides to reopen Elise's tree lot. In the movie's final scene the tree farm is really bumping, and Dickson, with his change of heart, is now walking around greeting all the customers. He even offers Elise a job at the department store. But what is super interesting about his character's transformation is that he's not bubbly or exuberant. He's humbled, clearly, but also deeply sad and defeated-looking, which you rarely, if ever, see in a made-for-tv movie wrap-up scene. It's as if the melting of Dickson's ice-heart has sapped all his energy, destroyed the source of his power. I imagine that he's probably going to finish out the day, go home and draw a nice hot bath, and die peacefully in his sleep, humming 'O, Christmas Tree' between slow, shallow breaths. I don't recommend this one. NSM - Non-Santa Movie TOH - Touches On Homelessness DW - Dead Wife CDEM - Capitalist Deus Ex Machina Memorable Line: "Well that was mistletotally uncool." - Elise's co-worker See you under the mistletoe, - Emile Elf --- http://52thingsayear.blogspot.com/2012/07/22.html - here's a gem from a Fir Crazy fan's blog.