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| Picture time - mouths open, everyone! |
I like cramming in as many holiday movies as I can each Christmas season. The trouble is, its often hard to carve out an uninterrupted chunk of time to watch. And since I don't have a DVR, I have to be Johnny-on-the-spot with my screenings - I've missed birthdays, family dinners, and my wife's all too short 'sex window.'
Luckily these low budget stinkers are concocted to be an easy read, something you can have on in the background while doing something else - folding laundry, doing dishing, designing a church-group flyer, or, not being their centrist Midwestern mom demographic, some strange activity a man-child like me might be engaged in, like capturing trailers for an ironic holiday movie blog. Thankfully, if I miss a sizeable portion of a movie, they're generally airing the hell out of it, so I can pick up where I left off, or go back and watch the opening half hour that I may have missed (the latter is a real eye opener and often makes the movie more fun - it's like a personal whodunit). It's in this piecemeal fashion that I hobbled together a viewing of 'Naughty or Nice.'
Krissy Kringle (Hilarie Burton) is stuck in a rut - she's rethinking the lukewarm relationship with her long-time boyfriend, she's living in a house she can't afford (her parents bemoan her choice to buy real-estate just before the bubble burst), and on top of that she's just lost her job. Perfect timing for Christmas. To make matters worse, Krissy is a real Grinch - since they changed the name of her street to Candy Cane Lane she's been mistakenly getting a heap of mail meant for the big fat man with the long white beard.
Speaking of which, Santa's in this movie!! Finally! Since I watched this movie over a couple of days all out of order, the first scene I saw was between Krissy and Santa Claus in the film's finale. Spoiler alert, I guess. But this movie's about to get real fucking magical real quick, so I'm not blowing a big twist or anything.
Okay, back to the movie's opening. Krissy receives a piece of errant mail - a giant old book that is Santa's naughty or nice list. Home run by the prop department on this one - the ornate, ancient tome looks like The Never Ending Story book, or the Book of the Dead from Evil Dead - it's a set piece to be reckoned with. In a fantastical flourish of cheap but passable special effects, the book swirls around in the air and begins revealing the sins of the people around Krissy.
Clearly Krissy is not one to exercise caution, because she just dives right into her newfound knowledge to start kicking ass and taking names. She starts by ripping a plumber to shreds for pretending to be sick (He ends up doing her the job for half price). It's a little shocking - she has a vindictive nature that is almost inexcusable, but the smoky-voiced actress, Hilarie Burton, pulls off the spiteful spunk with ease, actually making her more likeable than the usual crop of damaged goods heading up these TV movies.
The movie takes some unexpected twists and turns, eventually focusing the main story around the neighborhood Christmas light decorating contest on her cul-de-sac. There is also a useless side plot with her boyfriend (ending in a proposal, of course), but he's too boring to even mention - Krissy's real companion in the film is her coworker, Marco (played by Gabriel Tigerman). They work as elves in the mall's in-store Santa's Workshop (perfect temp job for a gorgeous, successful businesswoman - its like high school kids don't need after school jobs in TV Christmas Land). The impish Tigerman is spot on with his snarky wit, and in instances where decent lines just weren't written for him, a simple cutaway to his priceless reaction is all you need. His chemistry with Krissy feels real; they're both cheerfully cynical, both give the feeling that they've accepted their less-than-glamorous lot in life, and they know how to crack each other up. He's an Elfie Nominee for sure - hands down, the best platonic friend we've seen all season.
Krissy continues to use the omniscient power of the book for her own gains until she takes it one step too far: she digs up dirt on her boyfriend. After a very public bitching out at his company dinner, she realizes the book has two sides... one naughty, one nice (Just like all of us!). Krissy realizes the error of her ways in the nick of time (that '15 minutes left of the movie' sweet spot) and eventually patches up everything, including the strained relationship with her kleptomaniac neighbor who's been squirreling-away everyone's Christmas decorations (she donates to charity, too - rampant neighborhood theft forgiven!).
I couldn't help but think that Santa's book may be an allegory of our modern culture. In a world of Googling, Facebook, and iPhone-sized videos everywhere, we all have the ability to skim the surface of someone's life and make our own snap judgments. Everything we do, good and bad, is swirled around in the social muck of the internet ready to be plucked out by anyone that has our name and a set of thumbs. The lesson here may be that everything has two sides, that reactionary behavior should give way to measured, thoughtful assessments. But I think the real lesson is a painful reminder that we live in a techno-centric world of harsh judgment with no room for error and nowhere left to hide. It's enough to make me pull the covers up over my head and cry into my hot cocoa.
SM - Santa Movie
HCM - Heavy Christmas Mysticism
CC - Christmas Crime
FJ - Fake Jobs
Memorable line -
Santa: "Are you happy, Krissy?"
Krissy: "I'm getting there."
Hold the marshmallows,
- Emile Elf
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